Ok, so I didn't lie in my last post, exactly, but I may not have spoken with complete accuracy. :P This post is NOT a book review... (although I did write a book review when I said I did, but I'm waiting for a better time to post it. :D)
Instead, this post is about something that I seriously struggle with...
For those of you who have been reading this blog for a while now, you know I absolutely LOVE the activity. Beyond love it. I could live on it. I could eat, sleep, and breathe it. It is what I want my life career to revolve around, and that is no small wish... it is a wish that I am slowly (and with God's help) working to see become a life-long reality.
But it seems that lately I've had a sort of love/hate relationship with my writing. And that has lead to some serious procrastination.
Is it that I am having writer's block, you ask? No actually, I don't have writer's block. :P I could sit down and write a whole chapter if I really wanted to without even blinking an eye...
But that's just the problem. While I don't have writer's block, I do have a handful of excuses that should have no business in my life, but that have taken over anyway... excuses for why I don't have time to write. Most of these excuses revolve around school work and finding a job. And for those of you who know me well, you know that a job is EXTREMELY important right now.
But here's the interesting thing: even though I've applied all over my area, no one seems willing to hire me. I've wondered if it's because I'm a full-time student, or perhaps because I was discharged from my last job (for no good reason, I might add, but it's a long story that I won't get into here...). I've wondered if the places that are hiring are looking for someone who looks different than me... (yes, I've wondered that; I'm sure looks are a factor in the hiring process... :P). I've wondered if I don't have enough experience, or if people look at my majors and immediately assume that I could not qualify for the positions I've applied for.
I've wondered all of this and more. But what interests me the most is the fact that every time I talk to people I know about the problem, or ask them to pray for me, they've told me the exact same thing: God has the right job for you... he knows what he's doing, and this may be a test.
Now, if only one person had told me this, I might think it was just coincidence, but you don't get a whole group of people saying basically the exact same thing to you every day. It just doesn't happen. And to make things even more curious, I've wondered why this all seems to be happening at the same time I'm trying to launch Magpie Eclectic Press.
Curiouser and Curiouser, as Alice would say.
Through all of this, though, there is one thing that I haven't been doing; I haven't been writing. Not everyday... not for a very long time. I've justified this by saying that I am too busy to write: I just don't have time. But in all honesty, I know that I'm just putting it off.
Why? I love writing, so why am I avoiding it?
Quite honestly, I'm not really sure why. I think part of it might have to do with exhaustion... with everything that's been happening lately, I've been pushed and pushed until I feel like I have nothing left to give, and even though I have some time in which I could be writing, I haven't written anything because I think I'm just trying to avoid thinking in and of itself. Writing is work, I won't deny it. But it's work that I love. Even though I'm tired, I shouldn't be avoiding it. :P
Well, today I sat down and started working on SOTD again. It truly felt refreshing, and I'm hoping I will have more time to work on it later today, if I can find a quiet nook to hang out in on a rather crowded school campus.
The point of this post is now lost to me... :P It has become rambling. But I feel like the point I was trying to get at revolves around a confession... perhaps if I confess the trouble I am having, it will come easier for me. *shrug*
Later I want to post about writing as a daily business. Hopefully it won't ramble like this post. :P