Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Of Boys and Deadlines

Ok, first off, I apologize in advance to any guys out there who read this and find the following content offensive… for whatever reason that may be. My simple excuse? I'm not a guy. :D

But I have to say, I think boys and deadlines have a couple close similarities. For one thing, you "flirt" with both of them trying to get them to "crack" and instead they remain as unwavering and immovable as a brick wall.

And just why am I ranting about boys and deadlines for no particular reason?

Well, it's quite simple really. We'll start with the writerly thing, since I am first and foremost a writer. :) Ok, so many of you know I'm trying to stay accountable to writing Eldrei… and it's really difficult. Not to say that I ever thought it would be easy, but school right now is crazy, life is crazy, trying to find a job is crazy and… yep, you guessed it: my writing life is crazy. And I'm stuck which doesn't help matters at all. So I decided to give myself a word goal and a deadline and see how that plays out. However, while giving yourself a deadline is a good idea, you have to remember that a deadline is a DEADLINE: no moving it about or switching it around to match your hectic schedule. Once it is set, there's no changing it and you'd better be willing to commit. Of course, this is all good practice for when you're a published author with an editor breathing down your neck waiting for your next manuscript.

But how, you ask, does that have anything to do with boys what-so-ever?

Well, it may seem funny, but at 22 I'm looking for a good Christian guy to start a relationship with. I know God has the right guy in mind for me, and I really am trying to be patient and pray about it. At the same time, though, I can't help worrying about whether I should even try to enter into a relationship at all, or whether I will ever be given the chance. It does not help matters (in my mind) that many of my younger friends have entered into good, wholesome Christian relationships. I try not to look at their lives in comparison with mine. Comparison is never a healthy way to start anything. I think what I'm really searching for is mortal companionship… someone who loves me for me, and not what I look like, or how I act, or what I do. God must realize this. In fact, I know he does. I continue to pray about it, hoping that the right guy will come along before I'm forty-five.

Sounds petty, doesn't it?

It's hard sometimes to wait on God's timing, even for the petty things. Everything happens for a reason. He knows what's best for me and I believe He wants me to fully understand that before He allows me to meet the man I'm supposed to be with.

"Yes God, I'm trying to understand. Really. But…"

No buts. No moving the deadline. God has his own agenda for my life. It's hard sometimes for me to realize and accept that fact, but I've got to try. Just like I'm trying to stay accountable and faithful to my writing, a need to try and stay accountable and faithful to God. God first. That's how it should be. If I follow that simple rule, everything else will fall in line behind it: my school, my writing, my life, a job… and yes, eventually a relationship.

Lord, help me to be more patient. You know what's best for me. Help me to understand that Your timing is my deadline. When it's supposed to happen, it will… but not before. And not after, either. Your deadline for the events of my life is set in eternity. Help me to honor that, and wait. And help me to be content in You until the day when I see each event come to pass.



Amber Cuadra said...

Wow, this post is almost exactly what I've been thinking about lately. Good perspective here. I really appreciated it. :)

Star-Dreamer said...

I'm glad that you liked it. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Being patient can be really hard, but I think God is trying to teach me how to wait on him. Everything will turn out right in the end. :)

Galadriel said...

Although I'm a few years younger than you, I have felt minor echoes of the same feeling, especially since my roommate has a fiancee.
A very timely piece

Star-Dreamer said...

I'm sure many girls feel like this once or twice in their lives. I'm learning that I'm not alone. But it can be hard. :)

Colleen said...

So I know this post is old, but I thought I'd leave you a comment anyway since I saw it and the title caught my eye. I know how it feels to wait and feel lonely and miserable - I was in that place for the past couple years. But now there's Nick - he just miraculously appeared in my life and he's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And while it's not fun to wait and while it will probably feel like forever, once you find your guy it will be wonderful. Just keep looking and talking to guys and I have no doubt you'll find the right one! You're a sweet person and guys would be stupid not to want to date you. :)

Star-Dreamer said...

Aw! Thanks Colleen. You are so sweet, and a really good friend. (not to mention an absolutely awesome writer, and an epically amazing person to boot! :D)

Yeah, I've been noting the pictures of both of you. You guys look so cute together. :D

I know eventually the right guy will come along. haha! Until then, however, you are right. ;) it does feel like forever. :)