tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post2185399356191218958..comments2023-12-31T14:09:29.720-08:00Comments on The Pen and Parchment: NanoLand a Week LateStar-Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14298850366884374226noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post-69108425565896113782012-11-14T10:53:18.298-08:002012-11-14T10:53:18.298-08:00Actually, that's a really good idea... thanks ...Actually, that's a really good idea... thanks for the suggestion! ^_^Star-Dreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14298850366884374226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post-40025032271092086142012-11-13T19:55:53.607-08:002012-11-13T19:55:53.607-08:00Quote:
"...but their grief brought with it a ...Quote:<br />"...but their grief brought with it a penchant both bitter and sweet."<br /><br />I don't understand the use of "penchant" there. I looked up "penchant" and got the definition that it was a strong inclination or liking. For example: I have a penchant for posting on this blog, heehee. :)<br />________________________________<br /><br />Hi, it's me again, I'm the same Anon who posted the above quote.<br /><br />Looking back on the your original quote. I think that I understand it now.<br /><br />The "penchant" is refering to the character Djar’zla’s taste for the "grief" coming from the Ealyone.<br /><br />Original quote:<br />"...but their grief brought with it a penchant both bitter and sweet."<br /><br />I was just not quick enough on the understanding of it.<br /><br />If the reader realizes that the "penchant" is for the taste of the Ealyone's "grief" then your quote is actually fine as it is.<br /><br />But I humbly suggest a little addition to the quote in the hope that it will help the reader understand it a little easier:<br /><br />Suggestion:<br />"...but the taste of their grief brought with it a penchant both bitter and sweet."<br /><br />I don't know, maybe other readers are faster than me, and understood it faster than I did.<br /><br />Maybe your original quote is fine as it is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post-14094440834582416202012-11-12T10:57:10.937-08:002012-11-12T10:57:10.937-08:00Jake: Good point. :D I've had several people ...Jake: Good point. :D I've had several people tell me that... there's definitely going to be a pronunciation guide in the book, maybe at the front (though I know that that's no guarantee that people will pay attention to it. lol!). :) I thought about changing the name, but it has really become so much of a part of the story in my head, that now it would be really difficult to switch it out. :P<br /><br />Anon: Yes, I chose the word "Corvus" for that purpose -- that is, because it is the Latin word for "Raven". :D <br /><br />However, the Corvus aren't really ravens at all, in this book, I didn't really want the word "Corvus" to represent an actual raven, at least in the sense that a reader might understand the word "Raven"... and also, transitioning the word into a fantasy setting, I was sort of playing around with the rules of the actual language, using a word(or latin or other language's base for a word) as a singular and plural version of the word.*evil grin* I do that a lot when I'm playing around with the basis of a fantasy language... and, with that in mind, I also wasn't sure about using the plural version of the word in a fantasy setting... I could, yes, but switching back and forth between the singular and plural version of a Latin word might(possibly) be confusing to anyone who is not aware of the actual words of latin... IDK... my reasons can be kind of skewed. Haha! Thanks for pointing that out though; it's a good thing to keep in mind for sure. :D I might go back in and mess around with the word yet, and see what happens... something fun I hope. ;) It's just part of the fun of writing fantasy, I guess. <br /><br />Ah... Penchant. lol! I had a reason for choosing that word, but <br />I can't remember what it was at the moment. ^_^ You're right though... looking at it now, it does definitely seem out of place. I switched it out now in the manuscript. Star-Dreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14298850366884374226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post-11637101625251455372012-11-09T22:26:40.270-08:002012-11-09T22:26:40.270-08:00Quote:
"...a cloud of great black Corvus whee...Quote:<br />"...a cloud of great black Corvus wheeled in droves and cawed..."<br /><br />I used Google Translate and corvus is Latin singular--one raven, and corvi is Latin plural--ravens.<br /><br />Quote:<br />"...but their grief brought with it a penchant both bitter and sweet."<br /><br />I don't understand the use of "penchant" there. I looked up "penchant" and got the definition that it was a strong inclination or liking. For example: I have a penchant for posting on this blog, heehee. :)<br /><br />Quote:<br />"...and once broken inside their minds were malleable as a lump of clay."<br /><br />This may be more of a style point, if so--then your quote doesn't need any changes, but here are two suggestions that I think sound a little better:<br /><br />"...and once broken inside their minds were as malleable as a lump of clay."<br /><br />"...and once broken inside their minds were malleable like a lump of clay."<br /><br />Quote:<br />"...Djar’zla barked a command to the Corvus overhead – “Nrythkai!” – and one of the larger birds wheeled away from the rest..."<br /><br />This is a little hard for me, because it seems like the character is talking to the whole flock so the plural "corvi" should be used, but only one bird responded so maybe the singular "corvus" is appropriate?<br /><br />My comments:<br />I liked it a lot. The excerpt has beautiful descriptions and a nice style. Well done. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post-13623030615982076952012-11-09T13:52:03.550-08:002012-11-09T13:52:03.550-08:00Excellent stuff! The only critique I might offer ...Excellent stuff! The only critique I might offer is that the character's name is a little over-the-top. Readers will find it hard to pick up a book in which the first character they encounter has a name that you can't pronounce at first glance. Simple, catchy names, on the other hand, allow the reader to immerse themselves in the story right away.<br /><br />Fantastic prologue, though. :D "Questions...questions that need answering!"Jakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07013859345463250479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970703367799585001.post-69431100826595195572012-11-07T17:20:49.087-08:002012-11-07T17:20:49.087-08:00Wow! Very intriguing prologue. I love your writing...Wow! Very intriguing prologue. I love your writing style, Nichole! It's been fascinating to see the excerpts of this story change and grow over the years. Looking forward to being able to read the final version in print one day! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00204802545454891530noreply@blogger.com